Wednesday, June 1, 2011

When and Why to Say "NO"?

If we want to open yourself up again and live this life, we must find the courage to say no to those things which do not serve us - Barbara De Angelis.

Sometimes there are situations when you do not say "no" is simply impossible. For example, a colleague wants to "ask you a favor, and you and themselves worries mouthful, let alone other people's problems to you! But for some reason we are sometimes willing to sacrifice themselves in order to please others, and so at the request of doom say: "Yes" - mentally already wondering what we have to sacrifice.

Unwillingness to give the failure may be caused by many reasons. Fear of being branded vredinoy, fear to offend people, lose his confidence, etc. Often encountered people who, in addition to their own duties still a bunch of strangers, instead of getting only frustration and discontent itself.

Where did this strange desire to please everyone? A person's character is laid in childhood. We are soft, like clay, and absorb other people's words and behavior, like a sponge, so one of us can create any sort of personality. Unfortunately, some parents confuse well-mannered child and trained dogs. Often, aid - the only thing children receive encouragement. Unfortunately, children still difficult to understand the difference between the desire to serve and help. As an adult, a person instinctively waiting for their service award as a child, but, of course, does not get it.

Is this desire? No one says that the same assistance to parents - it's bad, and the child must do everything in spite of their parents, to any sensible request for responding to a sharp "no". However, an important role here is motivation. Not "a good boy, brought the" five ", pleased parents", and "how well you like to learn how much you know and you know how!". In general, "forget about yourself, do to others" - the theory is not true, unless you're a masochist.

How many times have you helped your colleagues, friends, relatives who artlessly dump on you all their problems, and how many times you were actually rewarded for it? Unfortunately, wait, that one fine morning you wake up and you will fall thanks and benefits provided to you once the service is not necessary. And then who will think of yourself?

A situation where I must say "no." Usually the man himself recognizes this situation. Are you familiar with anticipation when you hear the telephone voice of friend that you now again, something will be asked? And you even know where you have such a belief: there was not one time that she did not ask about the next service.

It is worth considering: Are there really is good for you dating? Are you getting some benefit from communicating with this person? And if you ask the same thing that will tell you?

You've probably heard something like: "Ivanov - vredina. About anything ask the impossible! And earns a best! "? Or maybe not so bad? And that Ivanov - not a bad person, he simply knows his worth and can not ride on his colleagues and boss - free to exploit their labor?

Around a lot of successful people envious, but these people secretly admire and want to be like them, here are taken from this and similar slander. To tell you the truth, such talk is still very few people from the harms discussed.

Perhaps, you have to start saying "no" when you really want to refuse? You will have more free time, there will be a sense of confidence in myself: I'm doing as I want!

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